Wibbling Thoughts

forgot to mention.

Am giving up choclate for lent.

I will keep you posted on how it’s going

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm

pancakes

AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

interview

Pancake day today means that tomorrow i have an interview for manchester met Uni…

And i have to go confront College for giving private information to my mother. I asked them not to contact her,but when she phoned up last night they told her that they couldn’t disscuss things with her but that i wasn’t working hard and not attending tutor.

And that i was “ill” on Friday.

Luckily she just thinks i was skiving to go to London for the meet.

And to Karin: I am not living at home at the moment. I have not been living at home for about a month, since my mother chucked me out the first time. The only reason i went to hospital with the o-d was that my landlady (who is also a friend and shipmate) took me.

last comment for today….

What is the nicest thing to have on a pancake? What shall i have on my pancakes tonight?

What do Vegan pancakes taste like?

txt from mum:

it isn’t working for me like this. i would rather u were at home. u may not want to meet but we need to

Now i don’t know what to do….one day she says i have to collect my things and move out, the next she seems to want me home…

I am really unstable at the moment, and i *know* that i will get worse if i am at home, with all the petty rules…and i don’t know if it is worth it….

I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Strange weekend…

And week thinking about it…

Mum is mad at me again, i missed college on Friday Morning, she thinks it is because i was going to the London meet, but it wasn’t, it was because i spent the night in Hospital, after an overdose. She doesn’t know, i don’t want her to know.

She says things aren’t working out. That we need to talk. She said i needed to come and pick up all my stuff…

Is this it?

Has she properly chucked me out, does she really really really hate me now?

I just don’t understand.

I don’t want to leave my mum, i want her to love me…so much, i want her to care for me, and not tell me i’m worthless. I know i have said so many wrong things, and done even more…but – but – i have tried to do so much to get her to like me, and it’s not worked.

Nothing will work.

I’m also really worried about my OD…I don’t want to die at the moment, what if i do?

What if the paracetamol is destroying my liver, there were high levels when i left the hospital and i spent quite a lot of the London meet feeling very very very ill, and trying not to throw up…which 24 hours after is not very good (i don’t think so anyway).

But i am feeling ok now, just teary and quite worried, but i’m sure they wouldn’t have let me out of the hospital if i was in much danger…and i only had 3 sips of Gin at the meet, not real alcohol…

I will be ok…..Please God?