Wibbling Thoughts

Faith lost it’s promise
And bruised me deep blue
Turn me tender again
Through union with you”
Occasionally there is a song that is my prayer, and right now it’s turn me tender by Martyn Joseph – It’s happened again the colourless sky has dimmed me again and i’ve run out of why…and the pledge and the vow is “you find if you seek” but what if i try and find nothing but bleak I know that part of this is the depression rearing it’s ugly head again, but my faith is next to nothing, and I’m not sure how to revive it. At the moment the only part of my life that I’m truely enjoying are the parts which have no relation to faith – like doug soc, watching sci fi and making ceri a birthday cake. Things like Chapel, Visions, CF…even generally being with christian friends worry me.

And I don’t want to go to church tonight, but have to because i need to pick up a veg box – which i won’t use because i can’t be bothered to cook for myself as i feel crap.

but hey! Doctor who came back on friday, so everything’s not that bleak. Honest.

does exactly what it says on the tin.

I lost pretty spectaculally – well, my highest score was 37, which wasn’t the lowest but was pretty near bottom. yay!

I also played dance revolution, spent some time hiding under the table, claimed to be sweet and innocent and made some incredibly stupid comments. Definatly ritual humiliation.

But, it was fun, and I feel good having gone.

Oh, and I’m back on the happy pills.

Please excuse the blatent plug/advertising.

Visions have produced a cd of video loops that can be used in worship : http://www.visions-york.org/video.html – it’s called Visions Loops 2, and the proceeds will be going to the palestine fund raising. It costs £12, and makes a very pretty coaster if you don’t use the videos/once they are on your computer.

Aside from that, I have 2 essays to do next week, Ritual Humiliation (bowling) at dougsoc, a Martyn Joseph gig and Jonny coming round next week. Just so I know, my rail card is in the front pocket of my college bag, and the MJ tickets are in the top pocket of my over door thingy nearest the window. I now have no excuse for last miniuet panics.

Ooooooh! And my camera (which broke whilst I was photographing the dalek) is mended – so there may be some photos put on my web page soon. And I updated my homepage too. But the guestbook is full of spam, so feel free to to give me feedback by emailing sophie.dutton(at)yorksj.ac.uk.

I got tagged by Jen ages ago and have only just noticed it, so here goes…

Ten Years Ago: I was 10. I was at primary school, didn’t have any friends and was bullied and used to escape to a fantasy world of my own every playtime, making up stories in my head. Everyone thought I was wierd.

Five Years Ago: Dad had died, Emma had died, I was getting bullied at school, my home life was crap, my faith was falling apart and I felt so incredibly alone. I had friends for the first time though – mostly seen in school or at church, but I had friends.

One Year Ago: I had just started Uni, was back to having no friends, had an appointment with the psychiatrist from hell around now, and was generally cracking up. Everyone KNEW I was wierd.

Five Yummy Things: Fair Trade chocolate, Veggies Vegan curry slop, roast parsnips, jaffa cakes, potatoes

Five Songs I know by Heart: David Rovics “Behind the Baricades”, Ikon “Yearn” , Goo Goo Dolls “Iris” , John McDermont “The Green Fields of France” , Martyn Joseph “Liberal Backslider” – but as I have a stupidly good memory, I can remember most songs by heart. Choosing five was quite hard.

Five things I would do with a lot of money: Pay off my trip to Palestine, Pay back my student loan, Visit all the places around Germany and France that I’ve always wanted to see – on rememberence sunday, get a years subscription to all the magazines I can’t afford – New Internationalist, Star Trek, Stargate, Doctor Who, Spend far too much money getting all of Star Trek, All of Star Gate, and all the Doctor Who DVD’s – and feel very guilty about not saying I’d give it to charity.

Five Places I would escape too: Narnia, under an old clothes madien made into a tent, to the civilisation that is currently living under my bed, to the minster in the middle of the night on my own, the TARDIS

Five Things I would never wear: Anything short, Anything low cut, Nike, Anything FCUK, a black mask with black clothes for a protest.

Five Favouite TV programmes: (these are the ones that are on terrestrial at the moment, so no old startrek – but i have included doctor who) Spooks – absolutely terrifying. No really, It scared me shitless last week. Stargate Atlantis – YAY! Stargate SG1, Startrek Enterprise, between these two shows my sunday afternoons are spent watching sci fi. Happy Sophs. Doctor Who – Can’t wait til christmas. Or next year….Cybermen…hehehhehehe…YAY!

Five things I enjoy doing: Watching Scifi, Protesting, especially road blocks with carnival atmospheres, going to dougsoc and being a geek, knitting/sewing and other crafty things. spending time with people. This is especially true if I can do many of these things together, like going to dougsoc, watching sci fi dressed in a starfleet unifrom that i’d just sewn.

Favourite Toys: Ok, I’m a baby at heart….My two dolls, Molly and Saati, my computer, the Dalek I’m making, and K9 I’m planning on making after that.

Five People who will get this meme: First come first served!

NOT GUILTY!!!!!!

I was just about to panic at my college chaplain when I got a text message saying this. I grinned inanely throughout midday prayer.

Happy Sophs!

I’m now attempting to make a star trek costume for the final battle : Good VS Evil. Which is happening tonight.