Wibbling Thoughts

Borderline Personality Disorder.

I wish I had a name for what’s happening to me at the moment. Wish I had a clear label so I can express what’s happening inside me to others but I don’t.

The closest I’ve got is a nervous breakdown – an inibility to cope. I’m sleeping all the time, the times I’m not sleeping I’m crying. I don’t have the energy to do anything at all at the moment – not christian focus, not doug soc, not church. but I have to do church because i have commitments, and I have to do doug soc because i have commitments. I’m just on the edge of emailing the church email list and ask for someone to do kids church on sunday for me. but i can’t because somewhere inside me i have to keep pretending that every thing is ok.

I cried through out communion on sunday. Tears ran down my face the whole time. I couldn’t stop them, I couldn’t stand up for the communion prayer, I just sat there and cried.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make myself better, I don’t know how to cope. I feel so incredibly alone and isolated, as if there is a massive wall between me and the rest of the world – but that no one can see it except me. I want to scream and shout about what is happening, let people know and get sympathy and support, but at the same time I want to be as alone as I feel just so that i can’t hurt anyone else and can act without consequences.

I just don’t know what to do.

8 Desertion
(1) A person subject to service law commits an offence if he deserts.
(2) For the purposes of this Act a person deserts if he is absent without leave and—
(a) he intends to remain permanently absent without leave; or
(b) he intends to avoid any particular service or kind of service, and that service or kind of service is relevant service.
(3) In this section “relevant service” means—
(a) actions or operations against an enemy;
(b) operations outside the British Islands for the protection of life or property; or
(c) military occupation of a foreign country or territory.
(4) A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable to any punishment mentioned in the Table in section 163, and any sentence of imprisonment imposed in respect of the offence—
(a) if subsection (5) applies, may be for life;
(b) otherwise, must not exceed two years.
(5) This subsection applies if—
(a) the offender was on relevant service or under orders for such service when he became absent without leave; or
(b) subsection (2)(b) applied to him in relation to the offence.

The bold section is the bit I find scary. An intention to aviod service in a military occupied territory – like Iraq – can lead to life imprisonment.

When i first heard about this I was sceptical so I downloaded the whole Armed Forces Bill and found the actual wording of the bill.

I hope to hell it doesn’t get passed.