Wibbling Thoughts

I guess it’s because I’m a historian that I am very interest in why I act how I act, why I am interested in what I am interested in and why I am who I am.

Tonight, for the first time in 11 years I watched Challenge Anneka, it was in a conversation with my mother that I said that the show was partly responsible for my longing to go off to warzones, and do aid work. Now, doing the maths I realise that I was under 10 when I first wanted to do aid work, which to me seems quite young. I know that I have always wanted to go to a warzone, as I have grown up the place has changed, from Yogoslavia, to Kosovo, to Africa, to Palestine, to Afgahnistan, to Iraq, depending what was going on in the world, and what I was reading about at the time.

And I’m wondering how much television have to do with my desires.

I always used to watch newsround, I remember pictures of burning oil fields, remember being so upset and angry at the Dunblane shootings, remember trying to explain to my family why I so angry about the bombing of a refugee convoy in Kosovo. I can also remember watching Challenge Anneka and wanting to go out there and help people.

And now I’m doing a degree in Peace Studies, I’m actually going to do what I have wanted to do for all of my life.

And it’s quite exciting really.

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You are Daniel Jackson

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This makes me happy.

I’ve just completed semester one of my Peace Studies course and as part of the meta reflection I wrote:

The only thing I have left to say is that in the twelve weeks of this semester I :
*placed myself in situations of conflict with trust in friends
*gained real confidence in both myself and others in my group
*coped amazingly well with the course having spent the last nine months on income support due to mental health problems.
*didn't get too stressed/burnt out until, well now.
Bearing these things in mind I feel that whatever mark I get on this course it has been an incredibly valuable experience for me, and helped me gain confidence, and also helped me make friends.

This started me thinking about everything I have done this semester – 12 weeks isn’t really a long time, but apart from getting back into academia I have risked a lot.

In a way I have avoided telling this story up until now because I have worried how people would react. I am not in any way ashamed of what I have done. In fact it is the opposite, I am immensely proud of it. Seven days after my last blog entry – on the 17th November 2006 I was arrested at the North Gate of Faslane Navel base – home of the UK’s Trident Nuclear weapons system – for breach of the peace. Breach of the Peace is a different charge in Scots law – in the UK it is a public order offence, on the same scale as riot and if i recall correctly involves causing fear of violence. In scotland I got charged with it for lying in a road attempting to lock on to friends and blockade the base. 30 hours after my arrest I was released without charge, with a lovely letter telling me not to do it again (the letter is framed on my wall along with a couple of photos).

I am still amazed at how well I coped in the cell on my own – in the 24 hours I had no contact with any other humans aside from a hatch opening and food being passed through. We were later told that the same people who do the food at the station also do meals on wheels. I hope that that is not the case, if it is I’m never growing old in Glasgow. Since my arrest my mental health has inexplicibly improved. I’ve had less bad days, and have coped with stressful situations, it has brought myself and friends together and has really helped me to settle into a new course and city.

Which is really odd.